Now that you’ve had the opportunity to peruse our wedding photos, I thought it would be a good time to post the highlights video produced by Simon & Taylor of We Create. We love the moments they’ve managed to capture and think it gives a great glimpse into our special day. Nearly 4 months after the event we’re still waiting for the full video, but we’re really hoping it will arrive soon and that it will be worth the delay.
You may have caught a glimpse of what my honeymoon entailed from the lovely video Lucy posted a few days ago, but as you could probably tell I didn’t get a chance to shoot much so I made up for it with photos.
We spent an idyllic 11 nights in the beautiful Kuramathi Island Resort in the Maldives. It was exactly what you expect when you picture that part of the world, white sands, perfect blue seas and all the snorkelling you could ever wish to do. We chose this resort as we were advised that it was quiet, for a lovely relaxing de-stress after 2 years of wedding planning, yet had plenty going on with a great selection of restaurants, watersports and walks to keep us entertained between sunbathing. We stayed in one of their newly opened deluxe water villas and it was definitely worth forking out the extra money for as it had its own private swimming pool right outside the backdoor. Following on from this we had a 2 night stopover in Dubai on our way home and it was the perfect contrast to the Maldives. We spent a lot of our time in the Dubai Mall where we spent far too money, visited the amazing aquarium, did as much sunbathing as we could stand in the 45⁰C heat and sailed around Little Venice. We had an incredible time on this once in a lifetime trip.
I wrote this post down in a notebook about a week ago, on October 14th to be exact. It was during pregnancy and infant loss awareness week and I wanted to put down into words what I had been through. Here is what I wrote.
There are fewer more gut-wrenching words to hear than “I’m sorry, I can’t find a heartbeat” and I wouldn’t wish these 7 words onto my worst enemy. We went to our first hospital appointment (September 27th) after finding out that we were pregnant full of hope, happiness and excitement; we came out of that appointment heartbroken and with another scheduled for two days later when I would start a medically induced miscarriage. I thought I was almost 13 weeks at that stage, but we were told that our baby had died a little shy of 9 weeks – we had no idea until that moment. Apparently, my body hadn’t figured it out yet. Maybe it just didn’t want to let go of that little baby.
Our world came crashing down on us that day and the two weeks that followed were the worst of my life. We had a hospital stay on the Thursday night (September 29th) and once we left on Friday afternoon we thought it was all over. I had passed our baby and he or she was gone. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. The following Tuesday night (October 4th) included an ambulance being called, another overnight hospital stay and a very scary few hours as I bled heavily and was in a lot go pain. Although I had passed the baby the previous Friday, there was a lot left behind and needed to be gotten rid of. After an ultrasound scan, we knew it was all finally over.
We are still grieving for our baby a few weeks after that first scan day and I know that I won’t ever be the same. I’ve experienced something deep and painful and I have days where I find it hard to function properly, constantly thinking about the baby we lost and all the plans we had for him or her. We might go on to have children and, truthfully, I’m desperate for that, but it’ll take some time to be brave enough to try again knowing that this could happen for a second time. And I know it has happened to many women more than just twice, and my heart breaks for those women.
Family and friends have been the support we’ve needed over these past few weeks and I don’t think either my husband or I could’ve done it without them – we really are so lucky to have the best people around us. They’ve been there when we’ve needed them, even just to say “sorry for your loss” and sit quietly by our sides. They’ve shared our sorrow and held our hands as we’ve cried and given us everything they could to get us through.
Some days I feel positive and really feel like we’re moving forward, other days it feels like I’ll never be able to get past this sadness and I ache for our baby. I’m broken and it’s going to take time to put myself back together again, but I will do it with my husband right by my side. We are stronger because of this experience and I adore our family of two right now.
It seems apt to be writing this during baby loss awareness week, which happens every 9th-15th October. The charities leading Baby Loss Awareness Week provide support to anyone affected by pregnancy loss and the death of a baby, and work with health professionals and services to improve care. Tomorrow, October 15th, is Baby Loss Awareness Day and we will join in the Wave of Light to remember our little one. We will light a candle at 7pm local time and leave it burning for at least 1 hour to remember all babies that have died too soon. We will then, and always, remember our precious angel baby, who was too beautiful for earth, as we move forward with our lives.
I carried you every second of your life and I will love you for every second of mineUnknown
Due 6th April 2017, lost 30th September 2016.
Just so you don’t get too bored of seeing endless posts of wedding photos, here’s my final offering.
One thing I wanted to make sure when organising our wedding was that it was a day that not only we would remember for the rest of our lives, but one that our guests would continue to talk about for years to come. To do this we decided to include a couple of extra bits of entertainment to give everyone a chance to share in some fun and get to know each other a bit better. This included a caricaturist, a vodka luge and a photobooth. These last photos not only capture these things but also the surprise dance 4 of our bridesmaids performed for us and all the dancing that came after.
Photos by Rhian Clarke Photography
Every time I think I’ve enjoyed my favourite season, the next one comes along to remind me how much I adore those next few months. But autumn really is one of the best, as Halloween and Christmas approach, and everything turns a lovely, orangey hue. Things tend to get a little cosier too, with an excuse for hot drinks and extra layers of clothing creeping in. Here are a few of my recommendations of things to do in the next couple of months, before Winter kicks in and we’re thinking about the holidays!
Go apple or pumpkin picking
I love filling our home with pumpkins, it’s one of my favourite things about October, especially in preparation for Halloween. I tend to enjoy a mix of undecorated squash, as well as some that are painted or decorated in some way, just to combine the festive and the fun. You can find a bunch of places that offer pumpkin or apple picking at this time of year, so do a bit of research around where you live to find somewhere appropriate. There’s nothing better than bringing the outdoors in when the seasons change, so fill your home with all the best that autumn has to offer.
Sit in a coffee shop with a book
It’s pumpkin spice latte season, so make yourself comfortable on a coffee shop sofa when you have a free moment and sip something tasty while getting lost in a good book. There is very little I enjoy more than making myself at home within the warm confines of a coffee scented cafe of an afternoon, whether it be alone or with loved ones. And there are always so many reads on my wish list to get stuck into, so I will most definitely be taking my own advice over the coming weeks and heading to Starbucks with a full library in hand.
I find it hard to justify lighting my best candles when the weather is warm and the evenings are bright, so I love it when the nights start drawing in and you get to close the curtains a little earlier. I like to stock up on autumn scents right now and fill the house with notes of cinnamon, apple and a multitude of other spices to welcome guests and to spend a few hours on the sofa in front of a good film or new TV show.
Talking of new TV shows, this is the absolute best time to get stuck into some quality drama and pick your new favourites to start the next year of your life in TV land. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks starting to watch some pilots to see which shows are going to be a regular watch for me, and so far I’ve been pulled in by the likes of This Is Us and Designated Survivor and I’m hoping to give The Good Place, Westworld and Luke Cage a go soon. So you won’t blame me if I spent some of my evenings or weekends glued to my sofa getting into some seriously good TV and may I suggest you do the same.
Walk in the sunshine
If you’re lucky enough to still be enjoying some sunshine right now, get outside and enjoy it! You may need to put on an extra layer or walk for a little longer to warm up, but it’s so worth it. I tend to have a breakfast or coffee stop planned for the end of my journey, just to keep me a little more motivated to keep going, but there’s little better on a crisp autumn day than to go for a long walk with someone you love. I love it when my husband and I can get out and about, it gives us the perfect opportunity to talk without the distractions of technology and we have such a great time together. Plus, it’s always fun to walk a route you’ve never tried before, you may find something new and fun to photograph or you might come across a coffee shop you never knew existed – you always have Google Maps to get you back on track if you get lost.